Just Being Jeff

The story starts with an argument.

Apparently en route to the hospital my parents were still undecided on the precise spelling of my name.  Mom wanted Jeff(rey).  Dad wanted Jeff(ery).  Thank God no one wanted it to start with G.

Side note: my first life lesson learned that mama is usually right. It is Jeff(rey) to this day.

But from that moment no matter the spelling an identity was set into motion.  It would be formed and fashioned on the words of parents, coaches, teachers and pastors.  It would be gently shaped by the hands of mom, dad and grandparents.  It would be broken to pieces by people who seemed to be trustworthy but shattered that trust.  Identities are treated as fragile like fine China sitting in a buffet.  But often just as durable as our everyday dinnerware.

It is the identity that often determines our destiny.

Identity allows us to set a course for life, follow dreams and make determinations on right and wrongs in our journey.  The loss of that identity is just as powerful the other direction.  It keeps us bouncing on whatever wave comes, drifts us to and away from shorelines.  A loss of knowing your personal Northern Star keeps you from finding a direction for life.

There have been moments when I felt like someone had changed my name.  It is as if what we have been called our entire life no longer made sense.  There were moments when I felt as if Jeff had been changed to Geoff without my permission.  It was the sense that who God has always intended me to be was not who I was being.

Often the struggle with identity resembles a fitting room in a Goodwill.  I realize the Goodwill does not have fitting rooms, but hang with me.  Trying on identities is a like sorting through the racks of others people's clothing looking for something that fits.  I would try on this or that looking for what looked like me...more times than not looking for the me I wanted everyone else to see.

Rack after rack of worn out hand me downs have I worn in hopes of finding a fit.  Then it happened.  I left the Goodwill.  I quit trying on the outfits and identities everyone else had for me.  I started wearing the special tailored design of God for my life.

I finally quit being who and what everyone else wanted of my life.  And finally started Just Being Jeff!